Local man hung.

There was much celebration down at the Duke of York on Friday night where they held “Widdleholes most impressive member” competition.

This year it was won by village newcomer Shimarle Hawksmere (African or something) with his impressive 13 inch pork sword, which according to onlookers also had impressive girth.

This has knocked local Farmer Chris Dingler off the top spot which has certainly come as a surprise to the guy who had held the title for the last five years.

We asked Chris how he’d taken the loss and he said;

“It’s not the same anymore, it used to be a local competition for local folk, and 12.5 inches of man meat was always good enough to win, but now they’re letting bloody foreigners in with their genetically superior love truncheons and it’s just not fair. It was one thing when they just wanted to pick fruit, but now they want to enter our local traditions and show off their massive cocks.”

As usual the winner gets £100 gift voucher to spend in Bindles who sponsor the contest, a bottle of sparkling wine and a tug job from Sheila the landlady. I’m sure Shimarle will enjoy the prizes.